Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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