Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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