I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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