The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
