My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
