Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
