NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
