You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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