WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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