so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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