mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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