you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
