Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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