It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
