the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
