My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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