stop calling my apartment porn island.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
