yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
