What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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