How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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