3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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