It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i now understand why vodka
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
