I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
