also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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