guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
