So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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