i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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