It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
