I think I won the penis lottery.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
