Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
