i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
