Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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