the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
