you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
