Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
