chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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