i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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