I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
