if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
