One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
