Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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