I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
