Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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