I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
