FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Houston, we have a blender
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
