You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize