There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
