i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
