everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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