The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
