Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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