dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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