You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
