but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
