I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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