When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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