I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
this hospital has no fireball
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
