dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
