I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
