i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
